Nothing in the world will ever compare to the feeling I got when my mom ran crying into my room and screamed “He’s DYING!” with tears in her eyes. I guess the only moment I can think of that was worse is when she cried out “He’s gone.”
Grandpa, I know that it was your time, and you put up many fights in your time here on earth, but I wish you didn’t have to go. Grandma misses you so much, but you taught her to be so strong, and I know she will make it through this. Whenever I’m with her, I can feel you there protecting her. She loves you so much… You are her whole world. And I can’t begin to imagine what she is going through, but every time I see her crumble, I crumble with her. You told me I have her eyes… so maybe I have a little bit of her soul too.
It’s been 4 days since you passed, but they aren’t getting any easier. Seeing Grandma and my uncles, but no you to be seen, was so bizarre, and it really hit me that I’d never see the four of you together again. I sat at your place at the dinner table tonight, but I just felt guilty. I know you wouldn’t want me to feel that way, but since your death, everything I do feels morbid. Eating, showering, smiling, laughing, playing games, drinking, not drinking… it all feels wrong.
Again, it’s been four days, but the last time I saw you, you told me not to drink soda anymore, and I’m proud to say that I haven’t had even a sip since I left your hospital room. I intend to keep the promise I made to you for as long as I can, because I’m a human and capable of error, but I know that you loved me so much and wanted me to get healthy, so I’ll do it for you.
I love you, Grandpa.
I miss him too. Even though their house was full of family, it felt empty without him. RIP Grandpa. :(